Mom Love Means Loving Yourself as Well
We all take on the ‘burden’ of running a household and keeping together a family. Whether you are a SAHM or a working mommy (like myself) you need to remember to take time for yourself. There are so many cliches and quotes I could put here. You have to fill your cup before you give from your cup, or something like that…moving on.
Moms are not energizer bunnies
Point is, you will break. If you keep up this momentum of go, go, go without a moment or two to just be you, you will break. Mom will be broken and the family will be lost. Don’t do that! I can be the worst for this sometimes. Sometimes, after work, dinner, bath and bed, then I have to clean from dinner, make lunches for the next day and put away laundry. I might have time to watch an episode of the bachelor that I am 4 weeks behind on. The question is, can I stay awake? Probably not. Or there are times I have school work. (Yes, I am a part time student, you read that right. Ya, I am possibly crazy…) Just thinking about this and writing it is giving me a panic attack. So you know what? Hire a sitter! Even if your home, locked up in your master ensuite in your bubble bath with wine and netflix on your tablet. It’s ok to ask for help.
I will tell you this, no one has ever been LESS of a Mom because she took time to refill her mental cup, hell even her physical cup. Extra sleep, a pedicure, early bedtime whatever it is that will make you feel a bit more human again. Hire a maid for the day to come do a clean of the house while you go shopping and drop the kids at Grandmas. Heck, put on Paw Patrol and run for the hills, ie: Bubble bath. You won’t look back in 10 years and think “Gee, I wish I hadn’t taken time to maintain my sanity”
You are not a nuisance
I know I am the first to hesitate to call my Mom and ask. I always rationalize “if she wanted to watch the kids or have them, she would call me and ask wouldn’t she?” or “I don’t want to be a burden” or worse yet, you assume that people will think you are not up to the task of mommying. Because you ask for help, you must not be meant for mommying, which is BS and if anyone ever makes you feel that way. Cut them. Out of your life I mean. Obviously.
I have had my neighbour (she is awesome btw and I have mentioned her a few times. Y’all need a neighbour like this) step in and help me on so many occasions. If we ever move, i’ll be interviewing the potential neighbours to fill the spot. But even if don’t have a neighbour to rely on, we all have someone. I have had friends and other mommy acquaintances offer to help. Hey, you need someone to watch billy bob joe while you go to an appointment without a screaming banshee of a child? Call that Mommy. Chances are, she has a baby, toddler, kid etc…. Along the ages that it would almost, most certainly account for a playdate. All you have to do is pay it back. Help each other out and you can create an amazing village of helpers. Because if you haven’t heard, ‘it takes a village’ I would cite that, but who owns that anyways? True as hell though.
Don’t be syphoned
As Moms we tend to just go and use whatever energy we can muster to tend to the house, kids, husband, errands, work until the sponge that is you, is wrung completely dry and every ounce of energy and motivation. Moms have this title to be the keeper of things and people. It’s a lot to put on one person. Family members all over the world tend to take for granted everything their Mom/Wife does. If Mom stopped cooking, cleaning the house, doing laundry, driving to extracurriculars, knowing where everything is! That’s just to name a few. How screwed would your family be? How badly would the house and the people in it fall apart?
Share the load
As kids start getting older, they can do small chores and tasks. Utilize this and also make sure your partner demonstrates the same. You can’t have your children do their part and not have your partner follow suit. That’s sending the wrong message.
By age 3 they should be able to help out. Get your toddler to help tidy and pick up. Get them to go to each room in the house and pick up all their toys and items that don’t belong in a basket and put them away.
As they get older their ability to help and do more will grow. You can offer incentives, whatever your family believes. Whether a small treat or a few minutes of their favourite show. It doesn’t have to be huge rewards.
The point is, you are only one person. You cannot do it all. I know you are shaking your head reading this thinking I am some crazy lady who has no idea what she is talking about but trust me. I also have a lot on my plate. I am also learning to ask for help. To utilize my village. It’s hard to let go of control and let others in to help. But do it. The more you do, the easier it will become. Set aside Sunday afternoons for you. Or Mornings. Make a date night once a week, or ladies night. Recharge. Love yourself.
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