Today my boy is 2.5 years old. And I’ve been crying all morning with no apparent reason. Wasn’t it like yesterday that my husband and I took our little miracle – all bundled up in hospital swaddles – and brought home. I vividly remember how we couldn’t stop staring at him that first day with admiration and so much delight and some kind of disbelief that he is real. Yes, we are indeed parents. And if we blink now or go away and come back, he will still be here, sleeping peacefully in his little crib, which seemed so huge to us.
And then a swirl of different events started, or how you might call it routine of parenthood. Lots of sleepless nights, diapers, celebrations of every small and big milestones, and so much love and happiness that he brought to our lives.
In a blink of an eye my maternity leave had ended and I realized I just couldn’t leave him and go back to work. This might seem like an ordinary story that almost every new mom goes through. But each and every one of those stories is unique and brings so much internal struggle, doubts, sleeplessness, until the final decision is made.
For me it was an easy decision, though. Didn’t I like my job, didn’t I want to go back? I sure did. But I knew that what was more important is that I couldn’t possibly miss any minute of my boy’s first months of life…
Where did all that time go? And today he is already a big, independent boy (yes! 2.5 is big for me, sobbing here again). He can do so much on his own for a 2.5-year-old child. And I understand that the more time goes by, the more I have to lose my control over him. And I so much don’t want to. I still want him to sleep next to me, with his little arms tightly wrapped around my neck; I still want to kiss him million times a day, I still want to carry him around 24/7.
Today we are having a nice dinner to celebrate my boy’s mini birthday and of course a cake. He loves singing and being sung to the happy birthday song and of course blowing out the candles. And I just can’t stop looking at him and thinking how I want to be present, every day, STILL. How I want to do all I can to set him up for the best start possible in his life, meaning sacrificing a lot of my own dreams.
What does it even mean the best start possible? Well, that’s what I dedicated all my time to after quitting my job: researching and understanding and even starting a blog on main factors that contribute to a child’s healthy development.
So here I am 2.5 years later with the same difficult question of how ever I’ll be ready to lose control over my boy and not want to be there by his side all the time. That’s what I need to figure out for myself. Later! Maybe tomorrow! Now I just want to be here, in this moment of complete happiness watching my boy’s excitement over his birthday cake…
Hello, I’m Tamara. I strongly believe that for the best start possible every child needs to have access to good nutrition, comprehensive health care, and early brain development; and most importantly all that provided by loving parents. That’s what I blog about at https://www.pomegranatemom.com/.
Ever feel overwhelmed with everything you need to deal with as a mom? Let’s be overwhelmed together!