Every day for the countdown until Christmas I will be having guest bloggers visit my page and share some tips they have learned along the way in their motherhood journey. Be on the look out for our Guest Bloggers Series!
From one mommy to another, I want to let you know that I see you.
I see you staring down at your new bundle of joy, but all you feel is sadness. Sadness because you can literally see time pass by now. Wondering if you pray hard enough, maybe time would stop.
You were so excited to have & to hold her, & then before you knew it… she was a day old. A week old. A month old.
I see you struggling to put her in the swing & walk away from her… knowing that you need to get few things done. All you feel is guilt… guilt from feeling like you’re putting dishes as a priority over your child.
Mommy… I see you.
I see you confused as to why you are so emotionally overwhelmed during what is suppose to be the happiest time of your life. I see you struggling to get off the couch, because all you want to do is hold your little baby.
I see you bawling over mother moments in movies, that you never gave two thoughts about before. I see you struggle to change your sad thoughts, for fear you may never stop crying.
I see you struggling with Postpartum Depression.
I see you believing that it was something made up. Women were just “milking” it. How could you not be happy with a newborn?
I see you feeling out of control of your thoughts & in return running out of Kleenex. Scared for the world your baby may live in when they’re older. Scared that if something were to happen to you, your little one being left alone on this earth. Overwhelmed with all of the things you were wanting to do, failing to hang on to the hands of time.
Crying at the drop of a dime, and no matter how you finally stop crying, you can’t quite breathe that sigh of relief.
I see you… I am you.
I didn’t believe in postpartum depression… but then I wasn’t given a choice whether or not to anymore.
Being a new mother, I constantly could feel time slipping away. I remember sitting on the couch, seeing on Facebook that Doris Roberts, Marie from Everybody loves Raymond, had passed away. I bawled for what seemed like forever. Why had this upset me? Why couldn’t I control my emotions?
After it being at least the 3rd breakdown that day, I decided that it was not how I wanted to spend my life; crying day in and day out. I wanted to be able to enjoy my time with my child… make use of my time…
I started talking to my husband about how I felt; what my thought process was leading up to the moment of tears. Hearing how my mind would “jump” made me nervous, but made me more in control of my thoughts.
I had a winter baby, & so I didn’t want to leave the house. The days were shorter, & the cold was not welcoming to venture out in.
But I made myself get out. Even if it was to walk around the mall, or go to lunch with my sister in law, I got out. Out of the 4 walls & the sweatpants I had been in for 3 days. I got out of my head.
When I went to the doctor for my after-birth check up, I spoke up about my crying spells. I didn’t want to go to the looney bin. I didn’t want to be drugged out. He was very sympathetic & understood. He gave me the lowest dose possible, just to help adjust my after pregnancy hormones. Great, I had to take pills to be happy!
They worked though. They worked to keep me out of my head, & focused on making the best for my new baby. I was on them long enough to get used to a routine, long enough to teach myself it’s okay to get the dishes done.
So mommy I see you.
I see you finally being happy with your new role. I see you moving past the thoughts in your head. I see you loving every moment you have with your newborn.
I see you happy again.
Chelsia Moore is the unplanned stay at home mom to a toddler & soon to come newborn. She is the founder of ImReallyTrying.com, that focuses on the struggles & adventures all mommies go through! She is a firm believer that everyone has a mommy doppleganger, so you’re never alone on the ride!
Follow her on Twitter @ReallyTryin or on Pinterest