There’s a fine line between helping your children and doing too much for them. Teaching often means letting them make messes or mistakes in order to learn. Sometimes, as parents, we have a hard time letting our youngsters do things on their own for fear that it won’t be right or will take too long.
Of course, every parent wants to be a good parent, but when it comes to helping your children, taking over and doing too much for them can cause irreparable damage – for both of you. Let’s look at some of the problems that can occur when you do too much for your kids.
Negative Effects of Overparenting:
1. They Never Live Up to Your Standards
It can be hard to stand by and let your children fend for themselves. Because they’re growing and learning, they often lack the skills to do some tasks efficiently. However, there are healthy and unhealthy ways of helping them improve.
Hiring high school tutors to help kids who are struggling with their grades is a productive move. By contrast, taking over and doing their homework yourself is a short-term fix that may get them through the assignment but will only end up harming them in the long run.
2. You Become Exhausted and Resentful
If you’re doing the work of multiple people all day long, it stands to reason that you’ll exhaust yourself. This will inevitably lead to resentment every time you do something you know your child should be doing.
3. You Feel Like the Odd One Out
If you aren’t sure whether you’re over-parenting, take a look around at what other parents are doing. Are they holding the tissue to their child’s nose while he blows? Are they getting their daughter’s things together at her locker after school? Or are they helping their kid get dressed after swim practice? If you don’t see other parents helping their children so much, it’s a sign you may be overdoing it with yours.
4. Your Kids are Bossy and Accusatory
Parents who do over-parenting are often bossed around and blamed by them as if they are solely responsible for every aspect of their kids’ lives. “You forgot my notebook!” “You didn’t pack my milk money!” “Tie my shoe!”
Children who aren’t expected to do anything for themselves blame everyone else for their problems and expect that someone else will always be there to take up their slack.
5. Your Kids Won’t Do Anything When You’re Around
Kids whose parents do too much for them are very unmotivated and resistant to doing anything for themselves as long as their parents are around. The funny thing is, as soon as their parents aren’t around, these very same children are quite capable of doing things for themselves. Indeed, their parents are often surprised by what they can do.
6. Your Anxiety and Fear May Get the Best of You
Many overbearing parents are that way because they can’t stand seeing their children unhappy. Growing and learning are fraught with disappointment and failure, but it’s healthy to experience these things.
Catering to your child simply to satisfy your own negative emotions will only serve to foster more stress and anxiety for you. It is also the recipe for creating a low-functioning, entitled adult when your child gets older.
Every parent wants to give their kids a good start in life, but sometimes, people take it too far and do too much parenting. Keep the above points in mind so you can avoid this parenting pitfall and help your kids become capable, respectful, and hardworking members of society.
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