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3 Reasons Why To Wait on the Second Child

There is no good time to have a second child. Trying to plan another pregnancy is trying to pick the best time to make a drastic change in your life is not an easy thing to choose.  Sometimes it’s almost better unplanned!

Baby #1 or me was unplanned. If I had to wait and determine when would be a good time,there wouldn’t have been a good time because life is busy. We have been talking about having a second child for a while now and trying to determine a good time for pregnancy

Reading up on the best age difference to go with for siblings and how to prepare for a second child. There were a few things I took into account when I was researching and taking my opinion, my husbands opinion and others into mind as well. Sometimes it’s almost better not to listen to anyone but the direct people involved.

I watched this video and I thought it was an interesting take, but no one seems to ever mention some of the concerns I have about another child: how do I afford daycare for two kids!?

Here are my reasons why I want to wait:

The Cost:

Don’t get me wrong – I love my daughter and I know she needs a sibling badly – trust me, I know it. However, I am a working mom. I don’t stay home. I am a teacher and I don’t make a lot of money. Considering how much daycare costs for an infant, it would be about half of my paycheck in order to send both of them to daycare (since my daughter is 3 right now).

If we went forward with having a second child by next summer, then that would still be full time infant and full time preschool. I don’t know about everyone else, but that is a lot of damn money just for me to go to work! I hate to make this about money, but it really is. Unfortunately, we are not debt free and still have a lot of credit card payments that we make monthly as well.

 


Family:

Because we are a military family, we travel a ton. We live on the other side of the country from our whole entire family and we travel back there two times a year, Christmas and summer. Being a military spouse is difficult as a new mom and let alone with traveling! Now, if we have two kids that would cost us more to travel there. That also means that we don’t have any family nearby that can help take care of an infant. We were very lucky in my daughter’s first year to have a nanny and my mom helping instead of sending her to daycare. But here, we have nothing. Just me and very expensive daycare.

Timing:

If we wait until the summer of when my daughter is 4 (next year) to start trying, the second child could be born by the May. My daughter turn 5, leaving me with the summer with the infant and then sending daughter #1 to kindergarten in September and the infant to daycare. Waiting 1 year from now, will save me over about $800 a month. Yes, my daughter will be 5 when the second child is born. I know there are pros and cons to having 5 years apart. But all the experts that have said the cons, are they  going to pay for the second child to go to daycare?! I think not.

Maybe it makes me sound selfish, but I am looking out for the better of our family. If we put two kids into daycare, we will never be able to do anything as a family. My daughter won’t be able to do sports and we won’t be able to travel. We won’t be able to afford plane tickets to go visit family or pay for anyone in our families plane tickets to visit us. We will be stuck at home, living frugally, which is not a bad thing. But in order to enjoy life being a military wife and stuck across the country from our family, we need to have money to be able to do things instead of just sit at home.

 

Featured Photo by Drew Hays on Unsplash

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TWL Working Mom

Jennifer is the Owner of TWL Working Moms and Co-Owner of Influential Mamas.  Along with blogging + freelance writing, she is a mom, army wife and full-time teacher. Jennifer lives in Washington State and is a born + raised New Yorker. In her spare time, she loves traveling, yoga, the beach, writing, listening to books and drinking coffee.

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13 Comments

  1. I hear you with daycare being so expensive!!!!!! UGH! Ok, now that that’s out of the way, I was the other way around, I wanted another as soon as I gave birth, but then I obviously waited a little bit, and by the time Lucas was approaching 2, I felt like I was “late”. I sort of don’t like the fact that they’ll be over 2 years apart. Two years and 5 months to be exact, but I’ll take it! Also, that’s what works for us because we want more kids eventually and I’m by no means interested in having the last one by the time I’m 40, but you do what’s best for your family, your plan makes complete sense, because why have one now if you won’t be able to have other things to enjoy together as a family? I love this post!!!

    1. I totally hear you on this point. I definitely wanted to do closer in age but living so far away from everyone our whole families we would never be able to see them. It’s so expensive ! Ugh!

  2. Those all sound like very valid reasons to me to wait for child #2. I got downsized out of my chosen profession during the Great Recession, right before my first was born, but if you have a job/career that you enjoy, then I agree, hanging onto it and waiting a little longer so as to afford the childcare better is worth it!

  3. Totally valid reasons! We had our kids closer together, and I took a hiatus from teaching for a few years because of many of those reasons.

    For what it’s worth, my sister and I are 5 years apart and this had no negative impact on our relationship!

  4. I love this article. I too have be struggling to decide on when to have another one (my daughter is 9 months). As an only child I’ve always wanted a sibling but as a mum I know how much of a financial and mental struggle it would be. We will definitely be waiting a bit before adding to our family.

    I really appreciate the honestly in your posts. I know how real mommy shaming can be on certain topics!

    Love the blog and would love to collaborate!!

    1. Thank you !!! It’s so true. Everyone is very quick to judge why no to a second child right away but I don’t see anyone stepping up to pay the 1,000 extra a month! And I would LOVE to collaborate ! Please email me ! [email protected]

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